I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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