I only kidnapped one of them. chill
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
be right there i have to get my cape
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
