well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
