some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
third nipple confirmed
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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