This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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