sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
