Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
