Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
