we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
