I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
wanna go halves on a baby?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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