I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
