the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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