So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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