Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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