I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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