I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
