the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
