note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
