Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
