Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
