she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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