Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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