this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
