meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
