Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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