Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
