If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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