she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
