I accidentally had phone sex last night
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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