someone get that fucking seahorse.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
