LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
