; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
