Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
should my penis look like a turkey
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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