these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
