I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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