i just wanna soil my oats bro
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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