oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
