party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
