So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
