I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
My vagina just clenched in fear
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
