nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
If I die, sorry about rent.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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