my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
