My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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