In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
