hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
