Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
