You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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