to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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