he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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