New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
