It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
