Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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