If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
as a side note pls kill me
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
