did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
