So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
